The Real Reason You Fail In Your Arguments (& How To Win Them All Starting Today)
We all argue. It’s a natural part of business. So is conflict.
In his book, the “The Five Dysfunctions Of A Team,” Patrick Lencioni words it beautifully,
“All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict in order to grow. This is true in marriage, parenthood, friendship, and certainly business.”
The real reason you’re losing arguments is that your points are all inward. They’re all about you.
Who cares about you! That’s the one skill you must master.
Over my past ten-year journey becoming CEO, I’ve argued a ton. In the earlier years, my arguing would consist of talking the loudest trying to get my point across.
It’s ineffective. I’ve learned the hard way many times.
Instead, these are the most significant tips to win all your arguments, starting today.
You will never win an argument by smothering someone else with your opinions.
Do you know how hard it is to change someone’s mind? Incredibly difficult.
You don’t do this by forcing your thoughts down their throat. It would be simpler to jam cabbage in their mouth.
That’s one of the biggest issues with mass religion. Other’s thinking their way is the best and smothering you with their beliefs. They then condemn you when you don’t bend to their way of thinking.
You can have your opinions. You can disagree. But do not force your views down their throat.
Listen intently to what the other person is saying.
Everyone does it. You get so caught up in your own words and don’t listen to your counterpart.
By doing this, you fuel the fire. You try harder to get heard. You talk louder. You shut down and walk away. Or your counterpart does.
Stop. Breath. Listen.
Listen to what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree. Just listen.
You’ll get much farther by provoking an eager want in the other person.
When you’re in an argument, take a sincere interest in what the other person is saying. Determine what they’re trying to get out of the discussion.
They’re arguing for a reason. Your counterpart believes strongly about something.
Dissect that belief into what they’re fighting for.
As you listen, you’ll uncover their real motivations. You’ll give yourself time to think and interpret what they’re saying.
As Dale Carnegie would say, “don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”
These will get you nowhere. Give your counterpart open and honest appreciation to what they’re saying.
You know Nate, I really appreciate your thoughts on this, and I completely respect your views. To make sure I understand, you feel x, about y, because of z. Is that correct?”
Show sincerity in their views. Be open.
Smile. It’s not that hard, even in a desperate situation. It will open you up to amazing conversations.
Smiling helps you become approachable. You need to be approachable if you want someone to listen to your arguments.
It’s simple. Turn the corners of your mouth up. Tada!
By smiling you reduce tension, you open yourself up, and you become likable. That’s unless you smile like the Joker. I can’t help there.
So smile, life isn’t so serious!
There you have it. If you take these simple tactics into your next argument, you’ll turn you’re losing streak into a win.
And what’s a win? A positive win/win agreement for both parties.
Remember, it’s not all about you.
Thanks for reading! Be safe. Be humble. Be you!