This One Resource Will Make You A Better Communicator
How you communicate impacts your entire life, whether it be for the good or the bad.
If you communicate well, you're understood, respected, and able to move priorities forward.
If you communicate poorly, you're viewed as confusing and unprofessional. It can even get so bad, where others feel your communication with you is frustrating and irritating.
Which one do you want to be?
Don't worry; I've been on both sides of this communication divide.
How you communicate affects every facet of your life.
The words that come out of your mouth, the letters you type on a keyboard, and the way your body is positioned when speaking all play a crucial part in your ability to communicate effectively.
How you communicate is what sets you apart when entering a new career, developing your marriage, teaching your children a valuable life lesson, and speaking to a new client.
The list is endless, yet, most of us don't spend nearly enough time developing the skills in the three stages of effective communication.
Use this as your guide — set goals to develop your communication skills, and watch its positive impact on your life.
Let's start here.
Develop Your Written Communication Skills
Most of our initial conversations start with written communication; whether it's an email, message, or letter, it's usually the first medium of contact.
If you can avoid written and get straight to a verbal conversation, that's preferred, but let's live in reality. You spend a lot of time hitting your fingers against a keyboard.
There are two primary mediums for written communication.
Write Great Emails.
It never ceases to amaze me at how bad people write emails, especially if we've never spoken before.
But this doesn't just apply to "cold emails." I've been the abuser of bad emails, and my team continually struggles with it.
Most people write emails blindly. They type a quick subject line, write a block of text in the composer, and click send.
Continuous partial attention is to blame for some of this. We get in a rush to write or reply to an email, without taking the brief moments to think, before we send.
An email that gets opened and read shares these qualities:
Understand who you're sending the email to. What's in it for them?
Write a clear and concise subject line.
Tighten up your grammar. I use Grammarly for everything!
Write the body copy of your email to quickly explain what your subject line couldn't.
Avoid a giant block of hard to read text. Create white space. Use bullets, numbers, bold, essential points, and underline headers.
Be clear and concise in your body copy — don't ramble. Get to the point.
Don't use email for complex topics or discussions. Verbal communication is best for these types of conversations.
Don't use email as a messaging service, which includes back and forth replies. Use the below section for these types of conversations, or even better, get on a call.
If you follow these qualities when writing an email, you'll be ahead of 99% of the population who writes emails.
Write great text messages.
Similar to emails, these are platforms that act as a text-based conversation.
It's crucial to know the medium so you can be effective in the message.
Here are a few different types of text messaging mediums:
Text messages: this is the classic text messaging on your phone. It's a conversation via text.
Messaging: Similar to text messaging, it's software like Google Hangouts, Slack, Facebook Messenger, LinkedIn Messages, etc.
Comments: Comments vary and are unique to different platforms. Your ERP, project management, or other software tools may include a comment feature.
If you want to get your message read, replied to, and acted upon, follow these simple tips:
Savvy up your grammar — don't sound like a dope.
Be concise.
Be clear.
A text message should serve as a simple medium for communication. If the topic is more complex, always default to verbal communication.
Written communication always seems more convenient, but don't negotiate convenience with impact.
Written communication is best used as a summary or follow-up to verbal communication.
Develop Your Verbal Communication Skills
Verbal communication is the best communication medium.
Here are three types of primary verbal communication mediums in order of importance:
In person.
Video (i.e., video calls, video conferencing software, etc.).
Audio (i.e., the classic phone call or an internet call like Skype, WhatsApp, etc.).
In an increasingly virtual world, in-person communication is the most essential type of verbal communication for several reasons.
One, you can utilize non-verbal communication (see the next section) to help deliver your message and better understand your counterpart.
Two, you build a better human connection in-person. For the foreseeable future, or at least for many more lifetimes, we'll be the same 'ole homo sapiens we are now.
If in-person communication isn't possible, a video or audio call will serve as an acceptable replacement.
These types of situations are best to build connection, but also to discuss complex topics.
Never rely on written communication for complex conversations.
How To Be An Effective Verbal Communicator
I was on a call with my team, but something wasn't right. When she talked, you could hear it in her voice. She was upset.
Her frustration from a problem that occurred earlier in the day was audible in her voice, on our audio call.
When communicating, smile --- unless it's a serious conversation.
It sounds simple, but no matter what type of conversation you're in, a smile will always make it more pleasant.
Smiling is a form of nonverbal communication, but it impacts how you communicate verbally.
Show up to the conversations — be on time and dress appropriately for the event.
Actively listen:
make regular eye contact. No creepy stares.
listen to what they're saying.
confirm your listening with verbal cues (mmm hmmm, yea, right, etc.)
ask questions to clarify unclear things.
briefly recap what they said.
Guide the conversation with better questions. A great answer always starts with a great question.
Questions are what turns a one-way speech, into a multifaceted conversation. Questions spark ideas, confirmations, rapport, and a host of other things.
Do not neglect great questions.
Once you've entered into the conversation, make sure you use well-timed pauses. Don't bombard your counterpart with information and word-after-word.
And don't be so quick to answer questions.
Use pauses to gather your thoughts, or to add emphasis after a statement.
A Few Quick Words On Difficult Conversations
You can't escape them. Difficult conversations will be a part of your life, whether you like it or not.
Come to terms with it.
Confrontation happens for five reasons:
Your approach.
The current assumptions you perceive to be the truth.
Your mindset going into the conversation.
Your expectation of the outcome.
Your experiences surrounding the situation, including your experiences in dealing with similar situations or people, your relationship with that person, or the role they are in.
Once you know why confrontation happens, it will give you clarity and peace entering a difficult conversation.
Step 1: Assess the timing of the conversation.
Step 2: Demonstrate support of their goal/s.
Step 3: State your intention.
Step 4: Clarify the why.
Step 5: Confirm engagement.
Step 6: Coach them through the problem/conversation.
This takes practice, but the more accustomed you become with entering difficult conversations with this framework, the more comfortable they'll become.
It's a mix of empathy and radical candor.
Before, and during a conversation, never assume. Assumptions make an ASS out of U and ME.
Always clarify your assumptions with well-directed questions. Don't sit bathing in mental despair if you haven't asked clarifying questions.
Assumptions are toxic to human communication.
The last thing you need to do is tame your emotions.
Emotions can turn a rather annoying situation, to one that's fueled by anger and resentment.
Control your emotions at all costs. Do not fuel fire with fire.
Develop Your Nonverbal Communication Skills
Nonverbal communication is reported to have 65% to 93% more impact than the actual words spoken.
It's like the smile I was talking about earlier.
Imagine we meet in person, and I look you into the eyes, with a bright smile. I stick out my hand, and give you a firm handshake while saying, "Hi, I'm Nate, it's so nice to meet you."
Now imagine this.
I use the same verbal greeting, but I look over your shoulder, have a neutral mouth posture, and I don't stick out my hand to greet you. I then say in a low, soft tone, "Hi, I'm Nate, it's nice to meet you."
Which one of these makes a friendlier gesture? Who would you build a better connection with?
In a face-to-face interaction, one person can exchange up to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than sixty-seconds.
It's why your spouse yells, "it's not what you said, but how you said" and has you dazed and confused for weeks.
Types Of Nonverbal Communication
Here's are seven categories of nonverbal communication:
Facial expressions are what most of us know about.
Gestures are movements we use to communicate meaning without words.
Paralinguistics are vocal communication that isn't an actual language.
Body language will tell you a lot about what you or someone else is trying to convey.
Your eye gaze has a vital role in nonverbal communication.
Haptics is a form of nonverbal communication that relates to touch.
Appearance has a significant role in how others perceive you.
Eye contact says a lot about your intended message, and a firm handshake communicates confidence.
The pitch and volume of your voice will dramatically change the delivery of your message.
How you dress, whether you like it or not, will trigger various assumptions (yes, assumptions are bad) in many people — so dress appropriately for the occasion.
Start beginning to notice nonverbal cues in other people, and then start to change bad habits you see in yourself. These could be a limp handshake, a nervous frown, or not actively listening when someone is talking with you.
All professionals must continue to develop their written, verbal, and nonverbal communication skills.
If you intentionally focus on how you write, what you say, and what you do, you'll soon become an incredible communicator.
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