The One Way To Cope With Anger
I wanted to rip through my computer screen and bash it over his head.
Someone was stealing information. I was watching it unfold in real-time.
We get angry.
There are many situations where steam has come out of my ears. I was red-eyed, chugging down the railroad tracks, in hopes of a collision.
My friend called me fat in middle school, so I dropped him on his head, and he ran home crying. He later went to prison.
Your stories are different, but you've felt anger.
You know the feeling.
The tension in your stomach.
Your heart pounds — thump, thump, thump.
You feel the veins in your neck swell with blood.
You want to run your fist down someone's throat.
We all experience anger — it never accomplishes what you want it to.
Anger makes you irrational. It leads to bad decisions.
Everything I've done out of anger has ended badly.
Everything!
The person I yelled at for stealing data ended in the same way it would have if I remained calm and just handled it.
The vendor I yelled at for being 21 days late on a high-value order was still late.
Me yelling and screaming didn't motivate them to move quicker.
All my decisions, all my outcomes, when anger was my primary force, became worse.
Put distance between your anger. Pause and give yourself time.
You need to put distance between you and what makes you angry. Clear your head. Don't engage in the situation.
Recognize where your emotions are taking you.
Ask to take a break.
Get fresh air.
Sleep on it.
This includes sending emails. If someone makes you mad, wait to send the email for 24-hours.
There have been dozens of times when I fastly typed an email, hit send, and instantly thought, what the fuck did I just do?
Give yourself time to deescalate your emotions.
How you breathe will fuel your fire or extinguish the flames. It's your choice.
When I'm angry, I hold my breath.
This makes me angrier.
It turns into shallow breaths, moving at a face pace.
This doesn't calm me down. It triggers anger pressure points deep inside my body.
My mind is saying, oh, you're mad, watch this, let me cut off oxygen flow to your entire body and see how you feel.
This will be fun.
My emotions are winning. They're taking control over my mind and body. I have to remind myself, emotions aren't in control, I am.
The best way to tame your anger is by being present and breathing.
Whenever you feel angry, take 60 seconds to breathe through it.
Breathe in through your nose of 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, exhale out your mouth for 5 seconds.
Don't ASSUME, and when you figure it out, have EMPATHY.
It's common to get angry about things we've assumed.
We assume someone talked bad about us. We assume someone is mad at us. We assume someone doesn't like us.
Most of these assumptions are about yourself.
Me, me, me.
Instead of assuming, address it respectfully with the other person.
" Hi, Do you have 3 minutes? For some reason, I think you're mad at me and wanted to check in on what I might have done to upset you and how I can fix it."
They may tell you something you don't agree with. Instead of getting angry, have empathy with their viewpoint.
Acknowledge their feelings and where they're coming from.
